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News > PiF membership news

Festive Fun!

19 December 2008
News > PiF membership news

We've been sent this brilliant piece of misinterpretation from Qantas airline staff and their mechanics - its comes from PLAIN, the international clear language group. 

"After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet", which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems and document their repairs on the form; the pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews are stuffy or lack a sense of humour. Here are some maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked P) and the solutions recorded (marked S) by maintenance engineers."

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer from midget.